Our hearts go out to women and their families that we see in the newspaper and TV news who are sexually assaulted and some even murdered.  What can be done? The News gave some helpful information that I have included below.

The worst possible attitute one can have is:

"It won't happen to me."  

Educate yourself and be prepared!  This information was on the 10:00 PM News.

*  Keep yourself AWARE of your surroundings: Don't use headphones.

* Have a whistle or alarm

* Carry Pepper Spray

* Walk Against Traffic

* Don't Jog alone

* Consider the time of day when more people are around. 

You can lessen your chances of being a statistic by 

• having the right attitude,
• learning physical defense tactics
• learning how to use weapons to protect yourself.

Attitude

• Develop Security Awareness! Focus on a consciousness of your surroundings. Think of possible potential threats to your safety.
• Your mind is the greatest defensive weapon. "The more confident you appear, the better off you are." Look at people around you.
• Use common sense at all times, such as where you park your car. 
• Good self-defense programs work to build  confidence instead of cowering and giving off an attitude of fear. 

Weapons: Intuition and Voice

• Do you have a feeling something isn't right?
• Show you are confident and able to deal with the situation.
• Face a potential attacker. Don't turn your back. Back away from him. 
• Use your voice! "Leave me alone!" or "Get away from me!"
• Children's classes often focus on prevention tactics that use words to avoid abduction.
• Talk to your child about what they would do if someone grabbed them.
• Teach them to scream the phrase, "I don't know you."  

If you chose to learn self defense you might check with the YMCA or the police department.

1. The Physical approach:

• Focuses on natural weapons of defense. 
• Despite the superior strength of men, they are not without vulnerable areas.
• Women learn to strike at the groin, Adam's apple, the eyes and ears.
• Learn effective blocking strategies.

2. Model mugging

• This nationwide program is unique as it uses men to act out situations such as mugging or assault. 
• The Idea behind this approach is to teach women how to react quickly and appropriately with their bodies and voices when they are in danger.
• Women are taught to fend off their mock attackers while they learn to stay calm. 

3. Learn to use a weapon

There are programs that teach the effective use of defensive weapons such as Pepper Spray or firearms.

AWARE (Arming Women Against Rape & Endangerment) offers courses at low rates 

AWARE believes that the best protection you can have is prevention.

Use of Pepper Spray

• When something tells you to act:  Time is of greatest importance.
• Don't pull out your spray until you are ready to use it!  The more unexpected - the more successful you will be.
• Make sure you will hit your attacker right in the face.
• What you want to do is surprise him and stop him before he can react.
• As you Shout "Stop," Raise your arm so his attention is on that hand, then bring the spray up, aim and shoot, back away!
• Get away, (far away) and call 911!

AWARE's motto, "Confidence Comes from Competence." 

I enjoy freedoms that women in other countries only dream about. Unfortunately, although my freedom at the moment is guaranteed, my safety as a woman isn’t. One in three women in America will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. (That statistic is only based on REPORTED cases of rape. Considering how many go unreported the statistic is probably more like 2 out of 3) .

Frightening? It doesn’t have to be. By learning some of the basic principles of self-defense you can take control of your life and your safety whether you’re at home, in the parking lot of the mall, or in the clutches of an attacker.

There are some very common sense ways to keep yourself safe, things your mom may have drilled into your brain while you were growing up: don’t walk in dark alleys alone, check the backseat of your car before you get in, etc. However, even the best of intentions may not keep you from a dangerous situation, and when you find yourself in that situation your only hope is to be prepared.

Fight or Flight
When confronted by an attacker, you will probably only have a split second to make the decision as whether to run for help or stay and fight. Contrary to your instincts, running away isn’t always the best solution. If there is no where to get help nearby there is a good chance your attacker will catch up with you, at which point it’s futile to try to intimidate him or tell him to “back off” because he already knows you’re afraid. Only run away if there is a way to get help within sprinting distance or if you’ve physically disabled your attacker enough to get away. Otherwise, your best option is to convince your attacker to leave you alone through what you say or through physical force.

Using Your Body as a Weapon
To successfully fight your way out of a dangerous situation you need to know which parts of your body make the best weapons and how to use them. Here are six natural weapons every woman possesses:

Hands – Despite what Hollywood tells us, a punch is not the most effective way to take a person down. For most women, a punch will be ineffective in stopping an attacker and may hurt the victim as much as the perpetrator. Instead, use hands for grabbing and tearing at soft flesh to inflict maximum pain. The underside of the arm and the inner thigh are two good areas to aim for. Tear off an ear or lip. Poke him in the eyes, with your index and middle finger (one on each side of the nose) as fast and hard as you can. There is also a nerve that is very painful between a persons nose and upper lip. Use the side of your hand to hit and RUB THE NERVE AS HARD AS YOU CAN. Cup your hands and hit both ears at the same time with your hands still cupped. This will bust your attackers eardrums.

Elbows – The elbow and forearm make for great weapons against an assailant. The key is to twist at the waist and throw all the weight and power of both your upper and lower body into the hit. When used correctly, the elbow can cause a lot of pain in the ribs, sternum, diaphragm, throat, and groin.

Knees – A woman’s legs are the strongest part of her body. The area around the kneecap can do unthinkable damage when brought up between an attacker’s legs.

Head – The skull is made of very hard bone that can do a lot of damage when brought in contact with the fragile parts of an assailant’s face, particularly the nose. Whether you’ve been grabbed from the front or from behind, slamming your head into an attacker’s face can cause a lot of pain.

Feet – Use the ball of your foot to kick an attacker’s ankle, calf, or Achilles’ tendon or use your heel to stomp down on their instep.

Teeth – It takes no training to know how to bite, and a bite will hurt no matter where it’s placed. One thing to consider: when biting, it’s possible to end up with the attacker’s blood in your mouth, which may carry any of a number of infectious diseases. Use your own judgment to decide whether or not a situation requires you to bite.

Hit ‘em Where it Hurts
To truly end an attack and make a successful escape you’ll need to know which parts of your attacker’s body are the most vulnerable and the most vital. I like to use the acronym “GET” to help me remember, as in, “Get lost creep or I might have to hurt you.”


Groin – Don’t try to kick a man in the groin. There’s a good chance you’ll lose your balance or your attacker will grab your foot or leg. Instead, aim for the assailant’s testicles with your knee or crush or swat this area with your hand or fist. Even a tap in this most sensitive of places can bring an attacker down. When you grab or knee your assailant in the groin, be sure to stand to either side of him and not in front as his first instinct will be to fall forward at the waist.

Eyes – While the eye socket may be sturdy, the eye itself is completely unprotected. If an attacker grabs you it means his hands are occupied. Use one hand to grab the back of his neck and pull him down. With your other hand grind your thumb into the inner corner of his eye. Wrap the rest of your fingers around his ear or skull to stabilize your hand for this attack and dig away.

Throat – The windpipe is a delicate area that can be seriously damaged by a strike or grab. To strike the windpipe, keep your hand open (as if you’re holding a glass), and strike at the front of the throat with full force. Punch through the neck, as if you’re trying to knock his windpipe out the back of his neck. Remember to hit or strike with a strong movement instead of just shoving. To grab a windpipe, move your free hand or hands up your attacker’s throat, sink your thumb and fingers into his voice box or windpipe, and squeeze as if you’re trying to make a fist. Squeeze with all your strength and pull outward, as if you’re trying to rip his windpipe out. This kind of counter-attack can be effective even with very little force.

Practice Makes Perfect
In order for any of these moves to be effective, they need to be practiced in a safe environment. Don’t expect to know or remember what to do in the heat of the moment when you’re feeling afraid. Instead, grab a friend or spouse and practice on them. One word of caution: all of these moves can cause severe damage to the body, even when done with little force. Only practice these techniques in slow motion with no applied force. You’ll still learn to feel comfortable with the actual movements.

DONT MAKE YOURSELF A TARGET

* The number one way to do this is to dress modestly. Plunging necklines and short skirts and belly buttons showing make you a target for rapists. You can be sexy and classy without being trashy. Wear sensible shoes you can run in, especially if your walking more than a block.

*Walk with your head up, looking around. Notice the people around you. Use reflections in glass to watch the people around and behind you.

*Use a purse with a long strap. Wear it slung on one shoulder, across your chest, with the bag hanging on your opposite side as the shoulder. This leaves your hands free, and less likely to be mugged, because the thief will know he won't be able to take your purse as easily.

* If you think your being followed. Turn around and stare down the person you think is following you. They like the element of surprise. They lose it if you know they are following you, and they know you know. Confidence is key. Glare at the person with your best "if looks could kill" glare. Shout at the top of your lungs (so others can hear!) STOP FOLLOWING ME!! Most likely whoever it is will turn and walk away, even if they weren't actually following you. Any decent guy would probably apologize for scaring you and will understand your reaction.

*Don't go places alone at night. If you must, make sure you're friends and family know where you are going, when you should get there, and when you plan to be back. Make sure your cell phone is charged. Call if you’re going to be late. Put a taxi service and local police numbers on speed dial.

*Wear shoes you can  run fast in. Seriously. If you try to run in heels, you'll break something. Being safe is better than looking cute and getting attacked. You can always carry your dress shoes in your purse and put them on when you get where you’re going. (Bonus: You can pull a six inch heel out of your purse and hit your attacker with it.)

*Don't go out for a jog, walk with BOTH ears plugged with earbuds and loud music. Don't limit one of your most important senses. Listen for footsteps behind you.

*Clubs and bars are full of potential rapists. Don't be naive. They are all there to "hook up". If you want to go out and have some fun, be smart about it.
--Leave with the people you came with. Don't let your friends go off alone with a guy without getting some info from him: His full name. Then ask for his ID. Copy down his address, birth date, driver’s license number. Ask for the color, make and model, and plate number of his car. Any decent guy will be willing to give up the info, because he knows your just being safe, for you and your friend. If he protests even after you explain your safety policy, he's trouble. Don't let your friend leave with him. Better to be paranoid than a victim.
-- Be aware that the "Date Rape" drugs are put into play when a woman isn't looking. Don't let a guy bring you a drink. Don't take your eyes off your drink. If you do, get a new one. Don't give your drink to anyone and then take it back from them.
--Don't drink or get drunk.
-- LEARN TO BE OBSERVANT OF PEOPLE! Practice remembering things about people you see. Then when the time comes, Remember his clothes (the type of fabric, the colors, style) Look for jewelry or watches. Remember what they look like. Remember his hairstyle, approximate height and weight. Any distinguishing marks, scars, piercing, tattoos. Notice his eye color, hair color and style, his voice, his facial hair, the shape of his jaw and nose, his eyebrows and shape/size of his mouth. If your alone at a club, go into the rest room and text his description to a friend, along with any other info you know about him. At the very least your friend will be able to give the police a halfway decent description if anything happens. Being careful and paranoid will keep you safe.

2. Items every woman should have in her purse.
*Pepper Spray
*Cell phone with extra battery
*Small Swiss Army knife
*A small flashlight with extra batteries
*A pen and small notebook (write down anything and everything you recall as soon as you can while your memory is fresh. Vehicle plate numbers, Physical descriptions etc.)
*At least a $1 in quarters for a pay phone.
*Q tips (to collect saliva if an attacker kisses or spits on you. Put in baggie.)
*Three snack size ziplock bags (for physical evidence)
*Feminine hygiene products (if you've been sexually assaulted or even suspect you have, use them to absorb semen. Put in baggie.)
*A nail care kit (if you scratch or pull hair of an attacker, scrape your nails and put hair and skin cells into baggie.)
*Small disposable or digital camera.
(Get photos of car, the person, the street signs, anything else you think is important.)


When the police come, you can give them the notebook, the baggies, the camera as well as your statement. If a man forces himself on you, and you can keep calm enough to somehow get the guys DNA, the police can find him later. (Hey, who says you can't learn anything from TV? CSI taught me a lot!)


Knowledge is Power
You don’t have to live in fear. While avoiding dangerous situations in the first place by being aware of your surroundings is by far the better choice, knowing how to take down an attacker if you have to is vital to your safety. Study and practice some of the basic moves of self-defense until they feel like second nature to you. Learn to feel your own strength and be comfortable with the way your body moves. Most of all, be mentally prepared to react even in the worst of situations. You might just save your own life someday, but even if you never need to employ these skills, the strength and empowerment you’ll feel as a result are a wonderful bonus.    

Ladies walking or jogging

Each year thousands of individuals go hiking in our national parks.  We all grieve as we hear of the young vibrant Georgia woman who went hiking in the Dawson National Forest only to disappear.  Her body was found almost a week later.

She did so many things right.  She brought her dog.  She told her friends where she was going to jog and when to expect her back.  She was jogging in a high traffic area.  She carried identification.  She was athletic and had studied self defense.

A woman is no match for a grown man.

May we reiterate?

   ·        Hike with a friend

  ·        Trust your instincts, if you feel uncomfortable, move on.

  ·        Don’t talk to strangers

  ·        Don’t camp or spend time near road crossings.

  ·        Inform friends or officials where you are going & when you are expected back.

  ·        STAY ON THE TRAIL

  ·        Carry a map & a compass and know how to use it.

  ·        Carry a whistle

  ·        If a stranger asks if you are alone, say your friends are just behind or ahead of you.

  ·        Don’t depend on a cell phone, as they are unreliable in the woods

Consider carrying Pepper Spray for your Self Defense.    Firearms are prohibited in most State & National Parks.

What to do in case of an attack

2. Stay with people, go to people.  STAY where others can see you. His worst fear is being caught, so you should drop to the ground becoming dead weight. If you are in your house or another location that is private, you need to GO to people. His worst fear is being caught -- run  to a neighbor’s.  Drive your car where there are lights and others.  

3. Keep a barrier between you and the bad guy. Use a barrier to block him or use distance to gain time. Keep your doors locked. Stay in your car. Force him to get through a barrier before he can get to you. Use a barrier of pepper spray. The more difficult you make it, the more time it takes him and that means he might be discovered. 

4. Attract attention. Often they say  "don't scream or I'll kill you". He's telling you exactly what you should do.  Create a disturbance, scream, throw things, blow the horn. Even yell "fire" to attract attention.  Appeal to his fear of getting caught. 

5. Control his hips and his hands.  Control his hips to prevent penetration. If you can get your feet on his hips you can control the distance between the two of you. His hands are the weapons he will use against you. He will hit you, slap you, stab you or shoot you, but he has to use his hands to do the damage. 

6. Use your strongest weapons against his weakest targets. His weakest targets are the most valuable to you, his eyes, throat, groin and knees are your primary targets. Your secondary targets are his face and his abdomen. Strong weapons that you can use are kicking with the bottom of your feet, your elbows, fists and palm heel strikes. 

The Streetwise stun gun is a self defense device which disrupts the message the brain sends to the voluntary muscles.
* Simply touching an attacker with a stun gun for three to five seconds will deliver a high voltage shock causing loss of balance and muscle control, confusion, and disorientation bringing him to his knees and making him incapable of further aggressive activity.
* Full recovery takes about five to ten minutes and there is no permanent harm.
* Streetwise brand stun guns have MORE FEATURES than any other stun gun on the market.

STATES WHERE STUN GUNS ARE RESTRICTED:

HAWAII
MASSACHUSETTS
MICHIGAN
NEW JERSEY
NEW YORK
RHODE ISLAND
WISCONSIN

I was given this information and I felt it was important to share with everyone. If it saves someone's life then I am glad I posted it. I also believe as a society and as people in general if you have information that is of importance then we have an obligation to educate each other. So for that purpose please read. This is not a joke!

Through a Rapist's Eyes

Please pass it along and share it with your children.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse, or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5: 00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. The number two: office parking lots/garages. Number three: public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands

Keys are NOT a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it?, or make general small talk: 'I can't believe it is so cold out here,' 'We're in for a bad winter.' Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP! or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the Arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it - it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble and he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans : If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5 A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP! It may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby --- This should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. .

10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full blast so that you will go out to investigate and then they will attack.

A new way to abduct females. 

Please be aware and pass it on.

Sunday around 5 PM I headed into the Target in Philadelphia, in an area of town where crime is rare. As I began walking in, an elderly lady shouted to me from the passenger seat of a car.

"Ma'am, you must help me, help me please, help me please!" 

I looked at her and started towards her, when all of a sudden

I remembered an email from my Mom about rapists and abductions using elderly people to lure women.

I paused, memorized the license plate and immediately headed into Target to get a manager to help. While the woman manager went to check it out, I kept a close watch to be sure nothing happened. As she got close the back door of the car flew open and a man jumped out and stuck a gun to her stomach. I yelled out "call 911!" fortunately a policeman had seen the entire thing and was able arrest the two criminals.

By God's grace everyone was all right, although we were both shaken up. I would not have left an elderly person who needed help. If it weren't for the e-mail I had read last week I could have been their victim. So I wanted to pass this along so you would be aware that you really cannot trust anyone these days.

You just never know when something like this could happen.

Always be aware of your surroundings!!!

They also use children to lure their victims!!  Please be aware and pass it on to anyone you think this will help.

This was checked with Snopes.com http://snopes.co

Statistics about Sex Offenses & Sex Offenders

The Nurse wrote:
Sad facts about sex offenses and sex offenders. 
Taken from FamilyWatchdog.com

1. 1 of 5 girls will be sexually molested before her 18th birthday.
   
2. 1 of 6 boys will be sexually molested before his 18th birthday. 
   
3. 1 of 5 children have been propositioned for sex over the Internet.
   
4. 2 of 3 sexual abuses are perpetrated against teenagers or younger 
   children.
   
5. 90% of sexual assaults are committed against someone the perpetrator 
   knows.
   
6. The median age for female molestation victims under 18 is 9.8 years old.
   
7. The median age for female molestation victims under 18 is 9.6 years old.
   
8. There are new 400,000 victims of sexual assault every year.
   
9. There are over 550,000 registered sex offenders in the US.
   
10. There are over 100,000 sex offenders that fail to register in the US.
    
11. 76% of serial rapists claim they were molested as children.
    
12. Over 40% of male juvenile delinquents were molested as children
    

Are There Sex Offenders living in your Area?

Have you ever wanted to know if there are any sex offenders living in the area where you are bring up your children?

Well now you can click on  Government Records

With Government-Records You can Find out the truth about anyone you want to know about by doing a Criminal and Background Check. You can have instant access to investigate practically anyone including job applicants, potential dates, neighbors, relatives, and even friends. Plus find out what others can know about YOU!!

By using their 100% legal and fully organized databases, you will have access to complete research tools for obtaining public information about practically anyone from the privacy of your own home or office. * Search for ALL Public Records * Lookup Sex Offenders listed in Your Neighborhood * Find Court & Criminal Records of Inmates Serving Time * Locate People's Phone Numbers & Addresses * Lookup Old Marriage Records for Your Family History * Lookup Death Records of Your Ancestors * Search Civil Records * Find Census Records * Search Businesses & Bankruptcies * Plus Get Unlimited Public Record Checks

Stalking (from Middle English stalk: from Old English bestealcian; akin to Old English stelan to steal) is a legal term for repeated harassment or other forms of invasion of a person's privacy in a manner that causes fear to its target.
Statutes vary between jurisdiction but may include such acts as:

-repeated physical following
-unwanted contact (by letter or other means of communication)
-observing a person's actions closely for an extended period of time
-contacting family members, friends, or associates inappropriately

Stalking can also include seeking and obtaining the person's personal information in order to contact them; e.g. looking for their details on computers, electoral rolls, personal files and other material with the person's personal details without their consent. Personal details include their date of birth, marital status, home address, email address, telephone number (landline and mobile), where they work, or which school, college or university they go to; and personal information on their family and friends and any other sensitive and confidential information (e.g. medical conditions and disabilities etc.)

Forms of Stalking


Almost all stalkers have some type of mental or emotional problem. Stalkers will go across town, country, or even to different continents in order to continue their stalking. Stable people simply do not continue, often in the face of years of rejection, to pursue someone.

Stalkers, no matter what or how severe their mental disorder, can usually be sorted into one of three major groupings: Simple Obsession, Love Obsession, and Other.

I. Simple Obsession Stalkers
These stalkers have previously been involved in an intimate relationship with their victims. Often the victim has attempted to call off the relationship but the stalker simply refuses to accept it. These stalkers suffer from personality disorders, including being emotionally immature, extremely jealous, insecure, have low self-esteem and quite often feel powerless without the relationship.

While reconciliation is the goal, this stalker believes they must have a specific person back or they will not survive.

The stalker of former spouses or intimate partners, are often domineering and abusive to their partners during the relationship and use this domination as a way to bolster their own low self esteem. The control the abusers exert over their partners gives them a feeling of power they can't find elsewhere. They try to control every aspect of their partner's lives. Their worst fear is losing people over whom they have control.

When they realize this fear as the relationship finally does end, the stalker suddenly believes that his/her life is destroyed. Their total identity and feelings of self-worth are tied up in the power experienced through their domineering and abusive relationship. Without this control, they feel that they will have no self-worth and no identity. They will become nobodies and in desperation they begin stalking, trying to regain their partner and the basis of their power.

It is this total dependence on their partner for identity and feelings of self worth that makes these stalkers so very dangerous. They will often go to any length and stop at nothing to get their partner back. If they can't have the people over whom they can exert dominance and total control, their lives are truly not worth living. Unfortunately, along with becoming suicidal, they also often want to kill the intimate partner who have left them.

Stalking does not always begin with violence or trying to terrorize, it usually starts with, "Can I just talk to you or meet with you one last time?" " If you just talk to me I'll leave you alone." According to experts, "He wants her back, and she won't come back." Everything escalates from there and sometimes he snaps and assaults or kills her. In his mind, he makes the decision, "If I can't have you, no one else will." When he says this, he is attempting to cover his fear that she'll meet another man and leave him. Far too often, the police find that these stalkers follow through on their threats, killing the victims and then many times committing suicide. For them, death is better than having to face humiliation of the stalking victim leaving them for someone else, and the humiliation of having to face their own powerlessness.

II. Love Obsession Stalkers
These are individuals who become obsessed with or fixed on a person with whom they have had no intimate or close relationship. The victim may be a friend, a business acquaintance, a person met only once, or even a complete stranger.

Love obsession stalkers believe that a special, often mystical, relationship exists between them and their victims. Any contact with the victim becomes a positive reinforcement of this relationship and any wavering (even the slightest) of the victim from an absolute "NO" is seen as an invitation to continue the pursuit.

These stalkers will often read sexual meanings into neutral responses from the victim. They are often loners with an emotional void in their lives. Any contact with the object of the infatuation, even negative, helps fill this void. Failed relationships are the rule among these individuals.

Many suffer from erotomania. They have the delusion that they are loved intensely by another person, usually a person of higher socioeconomic status than them or an unattainable public figure. They are totally convinced that the stalking victim loves them dearly and truly, and would return their affection except for some external influence.

During questioning, police find that most love obsession stalkers have fantasized a complete relationship with the person they are stalking. When they attempt to act out this fantasy in real life, they expect the victim to return the affection. When no affection is returned, the stalker often reacts with threats and intimidation. When the threats and intimidation don't accomplish what they hoped, the stalker can often become violent and even deadly.

III. Other Stalkers
Some stalkers harass their victim not out of love but out of hate. Occasionally, stalking becomes a method of revenge for some misdeed against the stalker, real or imagined. Stalking can also be used as a means of protest. This is the smallest group, but this type of stalking, for revenge and protest, can be especially dangerous. There have been several killings by stalkers at abortion clinics, and mass murders around the country by employees who have been fired and then returned to stalk and eventually kill those who have fired them.

IV. Additional Information

Intimate Partner Stalkers

Once the relationship ends, this group of stalkers, fearing they will lose their identity and self-worth, often become desperate to re-establish the dominance and control they wielded during the relationship. If they find this isn't possible they can become suicidal, homicidal or both. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics report Female Victims of Violent Crime, in 29 % of all violence against women by a lone offender the perpetrator was an intimate. Women are about seven times more likely than men to experience violence committed by an intimate, and female victims of violence by an intimate are more often injured seriously enough to require medical attention than are females victimized by a stranger. Intimate partner stalking can end in much worse than just injury. It can end in death if the stalkers cannot regain the control they so intensely and desperately need.

Many intimate partner stalkers who have spent years dominating and controlling their partner simply cannot face the prospect that the people they've controlled for so long have successfully gotten away -- have proven themselves stronger than the stalkers. One former stalker wrote in his diary, "I couldn't live with myself thinking or knowing she had won, or she got me. No! This is war." Tragically his victim was murdered.

According to Linden Gross in her book To Have or to Harm, "We all have problems with rejection, especially if we're emotionally invested in a relationship. For the majority of us, however, rejection doesn't imply devastation. Even though the pain, however excruciating, our identities stay intact, our sense of self-worth bruised, perhaps, but still operational. This isn't so, however, for intimate partner stalkers. Because of their need for total control over someone, when the relationship breaks up their world is devastated. Their personality disorders won't allow them to accept rejection."

While this kind of stalker may or may not have psychological disorders, all clearly have personality disorders. A few of these personality disorders, according to the National Victim Center include:

1. Socially maladjusted and inept

2. Emotionally immature

3. Often subject to feeling of powerlessness

4. Unable to succeed in relationship by socially acceptable means

5. Jealousy bordering paranoia

6. Extremely insecure about themselves

7. Often suffering from low self esteem

According to experts, intimate partner stalkers can be the most dangerous types of stalker because they often have a history of violence against their victim, and consequently feel totally uninhibited about using more or heightened violence in an effort to get them back. The stalkers know that violence has worked for them in the past, and so they have no reason to believe that it won't work again. Also, intimate partner stalkers know their victim well: their family, their place of employment, their recreational activities, and so forth. They know where to find their victim.

Intimate partner stalkers, because of the dominance and control once held over their victim, often have the mind set that the victim is their property, to do with as they wish, and to reclaim in any way they see fit. And, believing that their lives won't be worth living if they can't recapture the victim as their property, they often feel they have nothing to lose by using extreme measures. Consequently, these stalkers feel totally justified in doing just about anything in an effort to regain control over the victim. Since the stalker believes the victim belongs to them, they show no regard for restraining orders, and may instead be infuriated by them, feeling they are being denied their God-given rights.

One victim best sums it up. "When you know a person is capable of anything, and he also feels he has nothing to lose, you'd better be scared of him. He'll kill you."

Researches have now found that intimate partner stalking often follows a three-phase cycle.

Phase One - The Tension Building Phase

This can include such things as making hundreds of telephone calls and sending dozens of letters, showing up wherever the victim is, casual surveillance of the victim, and following the victim wherever they go. However, when these actions don't accomplish what the stalker wants, the tension builds, and eventually the stalker may begin making threats, vandalizing property, and instituting more forceful attempts to make the victim give in to their demands.

Phase Two - The Violence Phase

Once the stalker realizes that their efforts in the first phase have failed, they often resort to violence against not only the victim but also the victim's friends, family and often times co-workers. This can include angry face-to-face confrontations, physical assaults (including rape), kidnapping, and in extreme cases murder.

Phase Three - The Hearts and Flowers Phase

The stalker reverts back to the less violent tactics, and will often either beg forgiveness for the violence or appear to abandon the stalking altogether. Unfortunately, any cessation is usually only temporary. This pause in the stalking can actually be an extremely dangerous period because many times the victim falsely believes that the nightmare is over, and consequently lets down his/her guard. They then can be caught unprepared and unprotected when the stalking suddenly begins again, often violently.

An important point for a victim or potential victim of intimate partner stalking to remember about this cycle of stalking is that it is not uniform or predictable. Stalkers can move through the phases fairly rapidly, at times changing from being loving to brutal in only seconds. For other stalkers, it may take years to move from one phase to another, and some may never move out of the first phase. Most important, because a stalker may cycle from being a minor nuisance to a physical threat extremely rapidly, intimate partner stalking victims must always be on guard.

Intimate partner stalkers are typically known as the guy who "just can't let go." These are most often men who refuse to believe that a relationship has really ended. Often, other people - even the victims - feel sorry for them. But they shouldn't. Studies show that the vast majority of these stalkers are not sympathetic, lonely people who are still hopelessly in love but were in fact emotionally abusive and controlling during the relationship. Many have criminal histories unrelated to stalking. Well over half of stalkers fall into this "former intimate partner" category.

In these types of cases, the victim may, unwittingly encourage the stalker by trying to "let him down easy," or agreeing to talk to him or meet with him just one more time. Victims need to understand that there is no reasoning with a stalker. Just the fact that stalking - an unreasonable activity - has already begun illustrates this fact. When the victim says, "I don't want a relationship now", the stalker hears, "She'll want me again tomorrow." When she says, "I just need some space," he hears, "If I just let her go out with her friends, she'll come back." "It's just not working out," is heard as "We can make it work out." In blatant words, the only thing to say to the stalker is "NO". Do not give explanations, do not give time limits and do not give the stalker any room to maneuver.

As a victim you should say "NO" once and only once. And then, never say anything to him/her again. If a stalker can't have his victim's love, he'll take his/her hatred or her fear. The worst thing in the world for the stalker is to be ignored. Example: "Think of a small child. If they are not getting the attention they want, they will act out and misbehave because even negative attention is better than none at all." Former intimate partner stalkers have their entire sense of self-worth caught up in the fact that, "she loves me." Therefore, any evidence to the contrary is seen as merely an inconvenience to overcome. Since giving up the victim means giving up the stalkers self-worth, they are very unlikely to do so. Say "NO" only once - Don't help the stalker hang on.

Casual Acquaintance Stalker

Stalking does not have to involve an intimate relationship. The relationship can be as minor as a casual interaction, such as a momentary conversation, a quick lunch together in a crowded restaurant, or a smile across a room. These can all be interpreted as a romantic encounter by a potential stalker. A large number of people every year become stalking victims because they felt sorry for someone and showed him or her compassion. Befriending or even just being polite to a potential stalker can be exceedingly dangerous. Stalkers often see any acts of kindness as a sign of the true love that they are convinced exists between them and their victims.

Very little interaction is needed with a potential casual acquaintance stalker in order to trigger a long-term stalking episode. Attempting to appease or ignore a stalker simply will not work. Restraining and protective orders, though important and occasionally helpful, often don't work. The stalker's belief that they and their victim(s) are meant for each other or, that "It is in the stars for them to be together" often overrides any fear these stalkers might have of the consequences of violating restraining or protective orders.

How dangerous can a stalker be who only knows the victim casually? Very dangerous. According to the Bureau of Justice, statistics report that 36% of all aggravated assaults against women in the country are committed by acquaintances or friends, as are 53% of the rapes and sexual assaults and 22% of homicides. Many of these women had been stalked beforehand by these acquaintances or friends.

A very real danger with being stalked is that the victim must still work. Finding a new place to live for a while may be difficult, but finding a new job or occupation, particularly when the victim has extensive education and training or has worked at their present job for a long time and accrued considerable seniority, just isn't easy, especially when the victim isn't sure just how dangerous the stalker is or can be. Very few people will make such a radical life change as getting a new occupation because of threats by a casual acquaintance. Subsequently, a stalker knows they can go to the victim's place of employment and likely find them there. According to a former stalking victim, "A stalker knows if they can't catch you at home, they can catch you at work."

While it is tragic and disturbing that some people can begin their obsessive stalking on as small an initiative as the victim appearing to be kind and polite to them, this does not mean that people should stop being kind and polite to others. It does mean, however, that you should be on the lookout for the signs of a potential stalker and take action immediately if you believe you may become a stalking victim.

Stranger Stalking

While being stalked by someone with whom the victim has had an intimate relationship, or by someone known to the victim who has perhaps attempted unsuccessfully to establish an intimate relationship, is frightening enough, at least the victim knows who the stalker is, what he or she is capable of, and what to likely expect. Because the stalker is unknown to them, the stalking takes on a much more frightening feeling. Because the stalker is unknown to the victim, the victim has no idea who to be on the lookout for, who to be careful of or around, and who to speak to and who to avoid.

Although the danger level connected with stranger stalking may not in actuality be higher, the stress level most certainly is. Most experts will tell you that stranger stalking can be one of the most terrifying of all stalking situations as experts don't know how to deal with it.

Often a stranger stalker suffers from erotomania; a mental disorder that causes the stalker to believe another person is in love with him or her. Due to this disorder, a stranger stalker may fantasize either that they have had an intimate relationship with their victim or that their victim truly loves them and wants to have an intimate relationship with them.

According to Dr. Park Diets, "Erotomania is directed at both men and women, but more men act on the delusion."

Victim find themselves constantly asking, could the stalker be the stranger across the street, the person standing behind them in the store, or the driver of the car that seems to be following them? The victim has no idea who the stalker is, and also no idea what might happen. This unpredictability and uncertainty can be psychologically and emotionally crippling. The victim doesn't know the stalker's tendency for violence, what the stalker wants or more important, what the stalker plans to do.

Victims of stranger stalking often ask themselves, why me? They search through their memories for any event that might have provoked this reaction from a stranger. Many times the victims of stranger stalking are simply selected at random.

Occasionally victims of stranger stalking may eventually find out who their stalkers are. Often, the stalker is completely unknown to them, sometimes they are just nodding acquaintances, and sometimes they are individuals who have had chance encounters with the victim.

With stalking incidents involving former intimate partners or even former acquaintances the victim knows the identity of the person they are dealing with. This is not the case with a stranger stalker.

What can you do against a stranger stalking you? You can't ask the stalker's family to intercede, you can't have a friend or intimate partner threaten the stalker, and you'll have a hard time getting help from the criminal justice system. You will often hear victims say that "officers always have a logical explanation and they think I'm the one who is delusional and crazy. Let them live in my shoes for a week and then let them draw their own conclusion. How can I get a restraining order on someone when I don't even know who it is?"

Stranger stalking usually doesn't end with the violence of many intimate partner stalkings. However, they are no less terrifying and disrupting. Being stalked by a stranger can affect the way a person looks at others and at life in general. Victims of stranger stalking often feel they can no longer smile at or be friendly with strangers or casual acquaintances and come to question the meaning of smiles given by others. They stop being outgoing instead they become standoffish and self-protective. They discover that their whole lives are changed.

Delusional Stalkers

They may have major mental illnesses like schizophrenia, manic-depression or erotomania. What they all have in common is some false belief that keeps them tied to their victims. Frequently they have had little, if any contact with their victims.

In erotomania, the stalker's delusional belief is that the victim loves him/her. This type of stalker actually believes that he is having a relationship with his victim, even though they might never have met.

"The woman stalking David Letterman, the stalker who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer and the man who stalked Madonna are all examples of erotomanic stalkers."

Another type of delusional stalker might believe that he is destined to be with someone, and that if he only pursues her hard enough and long enough, she will come to love him as he loves her. These stalkers know they are not having a relationship with their victim, but firmly believe that they will some day. John Hinckley Jr.'s obsession with Jodi Foster is an example of this type of stalker.

The typical profile of a delusional stalker is that of an unmarried and socially immature loner, who is unable to establish or sustain a close relationship with others. They rarely date and have had few, if any, sexual relationships. Since at the same time they are both threatened by and yearn for closeness, they often pick a victim who is unattainable in some way; perhaps she is married, or has been the stalker's therapist, clergyman, doctor or teacher.

Those in the helping professions are particularly vulnerable to delusional stalkers, because for someone who already has difficulty separating reality from fantasy, the kindness shown by the soon-to-be victim, the only person who has ever treated the stalker with warmth, is blown out of proportion into a delusion of intimacy.

What these stalkers cannot attain in reality is achieved through fantasy and it is for that reason that the delusion seems to be so difficult to relinquish. Even an imaginary love is better than no love at all.

Delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally barren or severely abusive. They grow up having a very poor sense of their own identities. This, coupled with a predisposition toward psychosis, leads them to strive for satisfaction through another, yearning to merge with someone who is almost always perceived to be of a high status or very socially desirable. It is as if this stalker says, "Gee. If she loves me, I must not be so bad."

Serial Stalkers
Although many victims of stalking may feel that their stalkers have chosen them because they represent something unique and desirable, and that the stalker is fixated on and possessed with only them, this often isn't the case. Detectives often find that if a complete background investigation is made into the stalkers past there are often other cases of prior stalkings.

What percentage of stalkers are serial stalkers? Experts say that more than half of the stalkers in America have been involved in prior incidents of stalking. Psychiatrists cannot accurately predict when the behavior will stop or re-occur but they know that about two-thirds of those showing obsessive behavior have had prior episodes.

Far too often, a look in into the past actions of a stalker can be a frightening glimpse into how the present stalking will end.

Frustrated serial stalkers don't have to have had an intimate relationship before they begin stalking their victim, and they may even stalk more than one victim of the same household at the same time.

Although stalking victims may desperately want to know why they were chosen as the victim, what they might have done to trigger a stalker's obsession with them, often, they find the answer is nothing. They are just one of a serial stalker's many victims. These stalkers are simply following a pattern of behavior they have practiced for years. No matter what the reason or cause for the stalking, victims should be cautioned that serial stalkers in particular are very disturbed individuals.

False Stalking / False Victims

False victims, as they are sometimes known, use a variety of situations to attract attention to themselves. In some cases they may harass their own family and friends in order to fabricate false evidence or witness reports. This type of stalker firmly believes that he or she is the real victim.

In a sense there is a victim - the perpetrator. Why victimize yourself? Perhaps the person noticed how kind and considerate others were to them, when they presented themselves as a victim some time in the past. In short - the perpetrator/victim takes immense pleasure from being cared for and being the center of attention. One very common trait of this type of stalker is to file false police report(s) against the "real stalking victim."

These stalkers are frequently delusional and irrational. When presented with the facts, this type of stalker will rationalize and manipulate everything he can and ignore even a direct question, in order to preserve his fantasy of being the victim. He will initiate conflicts and then twist them in his favor in an attempt to gain positive attention for himself. He feels very inferior to the victim whom he admires greatly, although he will rarely admit this to be true. In reality, this kind of stalker suffers from a severe lack of self-esteem.

This form of stalker, believing himself to be inferior, wronged or rejected by the ones they admire the most, begin harassing, following the victim, spreading tales, keeping tabs, and in many instances plot revenge. The primary motive is to bring the victim down by any means he can.

Another trait that is showing up more and more in this type of stalking is Munchhausen (munch-how-zen) syndrome or in layman terms "The Munch Bunch." This is the name given to patients who fake illness or obtain hospital treatment in order to get sympathy from family, friends, and most often the actual victim's attention. These individuals are a considerable waste of medical resources. Hospitals will often hold a file on these people in an attempt to recognize them before they are unwittingly admitted for unnecessary treatment. The major problem is that they skip from hospital to hospital and doctor to doctor.

Time after time you'll hear a victim say, "The hospital called, he attempted suicide or he's having a heart attack because I wouldn't meet with him." Far too often these individuals know how to "fake" illnesses or even go to the point of attempted suicide but knowing just how far to go before it becomes life threatening. All to get attention!

Erotomania
Source: “Violent Attachment, “by J. Reid Meloy, 1992, Jason Aronson Inc. Publishing.

Psychiatrists do not know how prevalent delusional erotomania is, but recently they’ve come to believe it is not as rare as originally thought.

Also called Clerambault Syndrome, after the French psychiatrist who first identified it in 1921, the disorder is diagnosed far more often in women. The patient becomes fixated on a person and despite rebuffs, becomes convinced there is a romantic relationship.

It is most common in unmarried women who have few social skills, consider themselves unattractive and are employed in low-paying jobs. They often are lonely and withdrawn.

Men with the disorder are more likely to become violent than women, particularly if they have a history of substance abuse or mental illness.

The person who is the object of the obsession often is more socially prominent and sometimes is a higher-paid colleague. In some cases the person is a celebrity.

Source: ISE

What makes this type of stalker dangerous is their tendency to objectify their victims. This means they will view a victim not as a human being, but as an object that they alone must possess and control.

The perpetrator may become aware of their victim through various forms of the media (cinema, television, radio, newspapers, etc.) and establishes a delusional fantasy in which they have a special or unique relationship with the victim. These fantasies can be of an extreme sexual nature – sometimes reflected in the way the stalker attempts to communicate with the victim. The stalker believes the victim is communicating with him or her using a secret code that only they know the meaning of. Due to the nature of this type of stalker most victims will be the rich and famous. In some cases the victim may simply look like someone famous.